The Celestine Prophecy was bad. So many books that are turned into movies and just pulverized into bite-sized morsels; aka: Hollywood's idea of what is palatable to American viewers. This is insulting to me, but sometimes it can be funny, too...Really funny.
Let's discuss some of the ways that Hollywood makes awesome and completely different books into movies that all have a similar, familiar grease slick of sleaze over them.
Things That Make Me Say, "I Can No Longer Take This Film Seriously":
1. Uniformly horrific acting. I can overlook one or two crappy actors that have bit parts. I feel bad when they kind of take the story down a notch for the others, who are trying in earnest to do it justice, or at least make it believable. However, just about all the actors in The Celestine Prophecy were horrendous. It became pretty hilarious as the movie got more serious.
2. Ridiculous plot that doesn't ease us into "suspension of disbelief." I love fantasy movies and far-fetched stuff, but come ON. The story has to kind of build upon something believable (or at least be fantastically written/acted!) for me to get attached to the characters or ideas. This just didn't occur at all in the film. The main character meets with a curly haired archaeologist, whom he hasn't seem in a long time. She tells him he has to go to Peru. He isn't even close to this woman (or didn't seem to be) and yet, he's basically like, "Yeah, that's a fuckin' GREAT idea; I've been kind of meaning to do something rash and expensive since I lost my job!" Annnnnnd then he's on the next flight to South America.
It seems like bad movies often have these kinds of unjustified leaps of plot faith that I'm just not willing to take with the characters involved.
3. BAAAAD montages. Is it just me, or does every shitty movie have a goddamn montage? (Albeit, a lot of good ones do, too, but it just seems like the really bad producers just CAN'T control themselves on this aspect.) Sometimes a montage can be powerful and a great way to travel in time while not wasting movie minutes. But when the plot is murky, montages can add to the confusion for me.
4. Laugh-Til-You-Puke Sound Bytes. This movie had these in SPADES. Next time you start a movie that you suspect may be of this breed, see if you can find this indicator of stand-out quality: At some point in the first half of the film, there will be a traveling scene. This scene will open with the camera panning over a huge expanse of scenery--it could be forest, desert, mountains, you name it. There will most likely be a swell of music; bonus points if it's an instrumental. However, this aspect is CRUCIAL: If it is a fucking HORRIBLE movie, right at the end of this "Majestic Wilderness" image, an unseen bird will "CAAAAWWW!" one time.
I am guessing this is done to illustrate how untamed and wild the atmosphere is, but it just magically appears in every wilderness somehow!
To me, this is viable evidence that the director's mentally challenged brother was hired, out of pity, to do sound effects for the movie. He also may also be responsible for the totally unnecessary spider monkey screeching that tends to go on, or the sickening sound of gentle chimes whenever the main character gets together with a love interest.
When a movie is of this caliber, the crew probably just lets that guy run wild, putting in noises wherever he feels like it. Yep. Because once it comes down to the nearly finished product, the producers know it's probably too far gone to salvage.
Do you guys notice things like this in movies? Please share your thoughts!
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