Culinary Pornography

Alright. Take a look at this picture for me, will you?

 

Looks pretty innocent, right?

Well, take another look. 

Don't the colors seem freakishly bright? Do you feel like the placement of the food is kind of strange? Strange as in vaguely....Erotic?

I know, it may be a stretch, but bear with me here--

What do we see in the first square:

1. 2 eggs over easy, placed side by side.

2. Two sausages, cooked well until wrinkled.

How about the second square:

1. A bun or sub roll with an array of vegetables including red tomatoes, some melted cheese, and chicken or some sort of cold cut.

And the third square?

1. A round slab of what appears to be medium rare roast beef or steak.

Finally, the fourth square:

1. A pile of three pillow-y pancakes with runny red syrup, strawberries, two round slices of banana, placed laterally but generously spaced; and, in conclusion, a dollop of whipped cream on top in the middle.

Does this seem weird yet?

Let's recap:

The vivid colors, the bright lighting, the little spiky dialogue blurbles that urge you to consume ever-more sumptuous, decadent delights. (Oh, you know them..The ones you really SHOULDN'T consume?) 

Even the motto at the bottom seems a little vaguely sexual:

"Come Hungry, Leave Happy!"

If you still aren't sure what I mean, let me me elaborate:

Is it just me, or does this look oddly like a page from Hustler?

*Discuss!*

Writer's Almanac

(*Please read all of this aloud, slowly and with undue emphasis, in Garrison Keillor voice.*) If you don't know what that sounds like, listen first to this:

Now, if you're also wondering what the guy looks like who is speaking in such a manner, let me assist you:

Ok, now that we've got that taken care of....


The Writer's Almanac for Thursday, April 29, 2010:

Here is a poem for today by surrealist lunatic Poet-in-Residence Jessica L. Towne, entitled "Weasel Moon."

 "Weasel Moon" was conceived on this very spring evening, while Towne stood in front of the refrigerator pondering the meaning of a chocolate chip cookie. (Which was made fresh just moments before by her co-inhabitant and close friend, the popular musician T.D. Krebs).
"Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."

The Best Thing You May Ever See in Your Life

I don't know who the cross dressing individual is who made this amazing objet d'art, but I pretty much want to make sweet love to him. If you don't think this is funny, there is seriously no hope for you. Either that or you are not from New York/the Northeastern United States, in which case, I forgive you. If you are from the Northeast, you will find this funny. Every single person in this region is either related to or knows someone (or several someones) who look/sound like this, especially on the phone.


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Please enjoy! I have been working on a little somethin' for you people, but unfortunately I've had to do too much actual...well, WORK, and haven't had the chance to post it up fer yer enjoyment as of yet. Still working on it, kids!