Top Reasons Why I Need to Move to England

I have always had a slight obsession with all things Anglo. Ever since the early days of Alice and Wonderland (both Lewis Carroll and the Disney movie's incarnations) along with the realization that there were still kings and queens in Britain, I have wanted to live there. This desire was only compounded when I visited the country; once, briefly in 2000 (with my grandmother of, I believe, 100% English heritage) and again for a month in 2005 with one of my best friends. Since then, the Anglo-fever has just gotten worse.

Here are some of my reasons why England kicks ass, as well as why I probably belong there:

1) Gardening. The British all seem to love it, as do I. And by the way, have you seen the film "Saving Grace", about an English widow who ends up using her gardening prowess to "weed" herself out of financial ruin? 'Nuff said.

2) English Bands. Radiohead. Led Zeppelin. Eric Clapton. I could say more, but need I?

3) The TV shows. They are always hilarious, the characters/plots actually have DEPTH to them, and the soundtracks usually kick ass. (See above.) If you aren't familiar with any English shows, I recommend you start with "Spaced." If drama is more your style, my absolute favorite English show is "Skins." When you're done watching your first episode of Skins, feel free to gently bang your head against a wall for ever letting yourself watch stinking ass-matter such as "Rock of Love." Go ahead, I'll wait.

4) Lula magazine. The only fashion publication I know of which combines breathtaking photography with articles on things I actually give a shit about (for example, movie stars of substance, artists and designers.) The clothing is interesting and kooky--usually it doesn't match, and looks like something a small child would wear. You aren't going to see richy-bitch articles on liposuction and sex drive supplements in here. Lula only comes out twice a year and it's about $15 a pop, but when it does, you basically get a book-sized volume with thick, glossy pages. It's a treat.

5) BBC news. Years ago in my high school Mass Media class, I was shocked to learn that 99% of world events were not even being broadcast via American news networks, which seemed to have identical coverage regardless of affiliation or biases. In contrast, we watched a news clip on BBC news which had all SORTS of things going on--African civil war, natural disasters in Asia, and a segment about the recent September 11th attacks in America. This world news outlet actually discussed the REST of the WORLD! Yes, maybe it's hard to believe for some Americans, but what happens in our country is not necessarily the only (or most important!) stuff going on in the universe. Disclaimer: I since have discovered NPR, which does a very good job of covering national/international news, and often features BBC correspondents.

6) History. I'm not saying America doesn't have awesome history (it definitely does!) but you can't find castles here. Let alone castles from 500 A.D. Then there's Stonehenge which is ancient, and gives me a tingly feeling when I'm there.

7) Scones with Clotted Cream. I know this may sound absolutely puke-inducing to anyone who has never had them (yeah, I know..."clotted" probably wasn't the best word...) But I assure you, they are pure heaven! If you have fresh baked scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream along with a steaming cup of afternoon tea, try not to poop your pants with glee. It's nearly impossible.

8) English Humo(u)r. It's so much sillier than anyone else's. If you haven't seen Monty Python's "The Holy Grail," you need to do so immediately. Any Monty Python, really, will suffice. Who else makes an entire program(me) out of walking ridiculously and discussing obscure types of cheese? No one. If you don't find this funny, you have absolutely no sense of humo(u)r.

Sure, the English have been reviled for things like tasteless suppers, questionable dental situations and beheading. But that's nothing that a few spices, a good insurance plan, and paying taxes can't fix!