If I was to sum up the feeling of being in my 20s (and it seems an apt time to do so, since I'll be 29 in mere months) I think it would have to be characterized as "vaguely to severely dissatisfied restlessness". As a result of this omnipresent emotion, I find myself moving or considering doing so almost....Daily.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this sort of daydreaming. Many people fantasize about a better place, where the purple drank flows like wine, and women flock like the "salmon of Capistrano".
There are many news outlets that list the "best places for young adults" and "up and coming towns for hip professionals". I'm willing to bet that you guys can already name some of these metropolises. They all have certain things in common: lots of stuff to do, universities, and subsequently, a large population of humans aged 18-35.
Although some of these places seem like they would be nice to visit or to maybe even be homeless for a short while, I think most of them are about as realistic a possibility for actual living as the Land of Oz (for a poor freelance dirt bag such as myself.)
So, let's get our heads out of our poverty-ridden asses and get real, people. Here are my Top 5 Things to Seek (and Avoid) When Considering Relocation Spots.
1) A Few Reliable Corner Stores.
Just about every town has a bodega or two here and there. But I'm not talking about a no-name, sketch central hole in the wall. I'm talking about some reliable shit, like Cumberland Farms, Stewarts and/or 7Eleven type establishments.
Before you get all "fuck the man", hear me out: there is some comfort to be had in the knowledge that you can get 3 for $1 sour raspberry gummy strips at Cumby's, no matter where you are in this great country. Ditto that for Big Gulps or similar. It doesn't matter which chain gas station you choose, just scout out a few and familiarize yourself with their best wares.
Case in point: You're not going to get charged an extra $5 for a turkey sandwich because the douche bag behind the counter doesn't like the color of your skin or the tell tale hook in your nose (true story, unfortunately).
Pricing and products are consistent at these spots.
2) Steer Clear of The Panera/Starbucks/Target Trifecta.
Some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, thinking "how on earth could I live without these mainstays?!"
Well, don't get me wrong - I love a good thai chicken salad or java chip as much as the next gal, but the towns that have these establishments in common also typically boast something else: rent prices that will disembowel your wallet swiftly and mercilessly.
You can still live within driving distance of a Target or a Panera, but I wouldn't recommend being inside of 5 miles, as you will probably find that the rent to distance ratio is staggering.
And, if the town you love also has one or more frozen yogurt or "healthy" smoothie establishments? Unless you've got a trust fund to fall back on, run away as fast as your generic brand footwear will carry you.
Worst of all - if you're giving serious thought to moving to a town of over 4,000 that has nary a McD's, Wendy's or Ihop--this means that the residents are so rich that they're actually keeping these mega corporations at bay, beyond the outskirts of their village limits. I'm going to bet that, in such cases, you won't even find a studio apartment for under $850 per month. Major suckfest.
3) At Least One Pawn Shop.
Some people consider pawn shops harbingers of a "bad neighborhood". I however, beg to differ. Personally, when I'm broke (which is most of the time) one of my favorite things to do is look through my shit to figure out what I can sell. Having a pawn shop nearby can be the difference between eating canned pineapple for dinner tonight or a respectable chicken parm.
When you've got more than one pawn broker in town, you can even shop around to see who'll give you the best price for that (gently used) Chris Kirkpatrick Backstreet Boys blow-up doll.
4) Smartly Dressed Older Folks Walking Down the Road with Plastic Bags.
OK, this is where it pays to get specific: I'm not talking about putrefying people, laden with shopping carts. I'm talking mature ladies, 50+ years old, wearing knee length skirts, or pressed polyester pants, and sensible, clean shoes.
When you see this sort of person walking, it's usually a good sign because: a) she (or he) has the good sense to comb his/her hair, and put on clothes that they haven't yet crapped in. This probably implies that the individual is not a crack/meth head, and thus is not quite desperate enough to rob you of the last few dollars you've got.
b) At the same time, Sally or Rick may have had some aggravated issues with alcohol (thus the hoofing it, instead of driving). This means that you can enjoy that little giddy superior feeling if you still have your license, not to mention, you can head down to the local bar with them later on to hear some top notch tales of debauchery.
5) Bail Bond Advertising.
Some towns have billboards for things like fine dining and local law firms. Others have advertisements for Bail Bonds and (the aforementioned) pawn shops. I don't know about you, but I'd rather pay for necessities like gas, groceries and housing in a town that advertises bail bonds than surf and turf restaurants, because they're going to be way fucking cheaper.
After all, if there are a lot of people who require the assistance of bondsmen to be released from court custody, we're probably in the same broke-ass boat.
However, you have to be careful here, because if the majority of crime is related to methamphetamines or opioids, chances are you're going to get jacked at gunpoint coming back from that 1AM Baconator run.
Creative Bail Bond Advertising via Bench in Downtown Nashville, Tennessee.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this sort of daydreaming. Many people fantasize about a better place, where the purple drank flows like wine, and women flock like the "salmon of Capistrano".
There are many news outlets that list the "best places for young adults" and "up and coming towns for hip professionals". I'm willing to bet that you guys can already name some of these metropolises. They all have certain things in common: lots of stuff to do, universities, and subsequently, a large population of humans aged 18-35.
Although some of these places seem like they would be nice to visit or to maybe even be homeless for a short while, I think most of them are about as realistic a possibility for actual living as the Land of Oz (for a poor freelance dirt bag such as myself.)
So, let's get our heads out of our poverty-ridden asses and get real, people. Here are my Top 5 Things to Seek (and Avoid) When Considering Relocation Spots.
1) A Few Reliable Corner Stores.
Just about every town has a bodega or two here and there. But I'm not talking about a no-name, sketch central hole in the wall. I'm talking about some reliable shit, like Cumberland Farms, Stewarts and/or 7Eleven type establishments.
Before you get all "fuck the man", hear me out: there is some comfort to be had in the knowledge that you can get 3 for $1 sour raspberry gummy strips at Cumby's, no matter where you are in this great country. Ditto that for Big Gulps or similar. It doesn't matter which chain gas station you choose, just scout out a few and familiarize yourself with their best wares.
Case in point: You're not going to get charged an extra $5 for a turkey sandwich because the douche bag behind the counter doesn't like the color of your skin or the tell tale hook in your nose (true story, unfortunately).
Pricing and products are consistent at these spots.
2) Steer Clear of The Panera/Starbucks/Target Trifecta.
Some of you are probably shaking your heads right now, thinking "how on earth could I live without these mainstays?!"
Well, don't get me wrong - I love a good thai chicken salad or java chip as much as the next gal, but the towns that have these establishments in common also typically boast something else: rent prices that will disembowel your wallet swiftly and mercilessly.
You can still live within driving distance of a Target or a Panera, but I wouldn't recommend being inside of 5 miles, as you will probably find that the rent to distance ratio is staggering.
And, if the town you love also has one or more frozen yogurt or "healthy" smoothie establishments? Unless you've got a trust fund to fall back on, run away as fast as your generic brand footwear will carry you.
Worst of all - if you're giving serious thought to moving to a town of over 4,000 that has nary a McD's, Wendy's or Ihop--this means that the residents are so rich that they're actually keeping these mega corporations at bay, beyond the outskirts of their village limits. I'm going to bet that, in such cases, you won't even find a studio apartment for under $850 per month. Major suckfest.
3) At Least One Pawn Shop.
Some people consider pawn shops harbingers of a "bad neighborhood". I however, beg to differ. Personally, when I'm broke (which is most of the time) one of my favorite things to do is look through my shit to figure out what I can sell. Having a pawn shop nearby can be the difference between eating canned pineapple for dinner tonight or a respectable chicken parm.
When you've got more than one pawn broker in town, you can even shop around to see who'll give you the best price for that (gently used) Chris Kirkpatrick Backstreet Boys blow-up doll.
4) Smartly Dressed Older Folks Walking Down the Road with Plastic Bags.
OK, this is where it pays to get specific: I'm not talking about putrefying people, laden with shopping carts. I'm talking mature ladies, 50+ years old, wearing knee length skirts, or pressed polyester pants, and sensible, clean shoes.
When you see this sort of person walking, it's usually a good sign because: a) she (or he) has the good sense to comb his/her hair, and put on clothes that they haven't yet crapped in. This probably implies that the individual is not a crack/meth head, and thus is not quite desperate enough to rob you of the last few dollars you've got.
b) At the same time, Sally or Rick may have had some aggravated issues with alcohol (thus the hoofing it, instead of driving). This means that you can enjoy that little giddy superior feeling if you still have your license, not to mention, you can head down to the local bar with them later on to hear some top notch tales of debauchery.
5) Bail Bond Advertising.
Some towns have billboards for things like fine dining and local law firms. Others have advertisements for Bail Bonds and (the aforementioned) pawn shops. I don't know about you, but I'd rather pay for necessities like gas, groceries and housing in a town that advertises bail bonds than surf and turf restaurants, because they're going to be way fucking cheaper.
After all, if there are a lot of people who require the assistance of bondsmen to be released from court custody, we're probably in the same broke-ass boat.
However, you have to be careful here, because if the majority of crime is related to methamphetamines or opioids, chances are you're going to get jacked at gunpoint coming back from that 1AM Baconator run.
Creative Bail Bond Advertising via Bench in Downtown Nashville, Tennessee.
